Gam-Anon: What is it and what you need to know
Discover how the Gam-Anon support group helps Gambling's Affected Others and decide if it can help you
What is Gam-Anon?
Gam-Anon has several stated missions, but first and foremost it’s a support group aimed at supporting those affected by someone else’s gambling problem (that is, Affected Others). Gam-Anon is not a charity. It’s described as a 12-step fellowship.
The organisation has several stated purposes (which can be found on the Gam-Anon site) – I detail them below.
Crucially, Gam-Anon is NOT for people who have gambling problems themselves. It’s associated with but distinct from Gamblers Anonymous, which provides help and support for gambling addicts and compulsive gamblers.
That means it’s a purely Affected Others space, where you can thoughts and feelings without having to pussyfoot around people coping with their gambling addiction. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but this is an organisation where you can think about yourself rather than someone else.
How Gam-Anon describes its purpose
1. To welcome and give assistance and comfort to those affected by someone else's gambling problem
2. To communicate Gam-Anon's understanding of compulsive gambling and its impact on our lives
3. To share our experience, strength, and hope in coping with the gambling problem
4. To use the Steps and Tools of the Gam-Anon program which nurture our spiritual and emotional growth and recovery
What does Gam-Anon mean?
Gam-Anon follows the naming convention set out with Al-Anon, the longstanding support group for people dealing with a loved one’s alcohol misuse or abuse. As Alcoholics Anonymous is to Al-Anon, Gamblers Anonymous is to Gam-Anon.
Is Gam-Anon for me?
This is the big issue for many of us who are just getting to grips with gambling and what our loved one’s gambling means for us. At a time when you’re confused, frightened and don’t know what the *@&! is going on, the idea of walking into a room or joining a live Zoom with a bunch of strangers to talk about it can just seem like too much.
That’s a bit how I felt before the first time I attended. (You can see my longer piece about my thoughts and experiences with Gam-Anon UK here.)
But Gam-Anon does provide some basic questions to ask yourself to figure out if it is for you. These include:
Is the gambling of someone dear to you creating anxiety and worry?
Are you having financial problems due to the gambling of a loved one or family member?
Are you worried about the emotional health and/or financial security of a loved one who is gambling?
For me, I would add to that, Are you losing your flippin’ mind, are equal parts furious and worried, and have no idea what to do?
Because if the answer to those questions are you, then you should consider going.
How can Gam-Anon help?
Where to begin? The organisation adheres to the credo of anonymity (aka “what happens in Gam-Anon stays in Gam-Anon”). But I can tell you my personal impressions of it.
For me, Gam-Anon helped me understand that I was part of a much wider group of people who understood and even experienced the same things I was going through.
Some people provide insight on how to handle particular issues (What if my CG is threatening suicide? Should I pay off my CG’s debts?)
Other times, meetings simply provided a chorus of support when I was at a very low ebb.
One very interesting element is that it shows you the wide range of experiences of Affected Others. We come from all different backgrounds, different accents, different experiences, women and men, partners and parents. All of that really helped me to understand that I was not this lone person out there, the only one struggling to cope.
What are the Gam-Anon steps?
Gam-Anon is based on the 12 step programme, which – I know, I know – makes some people break out in hives. I’m reminded of the scene in About a Boy of the parent group SPAT and its gentle send-up of “supportive networks”.
Note: I’ve only attended Gam-Anon meetings online, but there were no trust falls.… 😆
For some Affected Others, steps from the Gam-Anon programme like make a “searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves” could rankle. After all, we say to ourselves, I’m not the one who spaffed away a small fortune on the ponies!
But I found that thinking about my situation in context of the 12 steps was productive, if not exactly fun. I began to understand what I was and wasn’t responsible for. I also learned to be more forgiving and tender not just with my Compulsive Gambler but also with myself and other people who were affected. Always a good thing.
Is Gam-Anon religious?
Talk of a “higher power” is not for everyone. And it’s right there at the top – in the first of the 12 steps. However, I found that the religious and philosophical approach isn’t overbearing or excluding. Check out the 12 Steps of Gam-Anon here.
The best things about Gam-Anon for me
Certain elements of attending Gam-Anon came through quite distinctly for me. I’ll list them here in the hopes that they’ll give you a sense of what you might get from attending.
There’s no talk about amounts – no one upmanship about how much you’ve lost. This is a great tenet and puts the focus squarely on our experiences, not on money
There’s no judgement about whatever it is you’re feeling. Incandescent with rage? Yep, we know. Overwhelmed with despair? You’re going to be OK. Numb and feel like you don’t give a damn? We’ve been there too. There is no “right” way to feel at Gam-Anon
You can say things to these fellow Affected Others that you can’t to your Compulsive Gambler. You can not only feel all different things, but you can express it – hopelessness, apathy, confusion…whatever you’re going through is are met with compassion and understanding. That stops the emotions from simply sloshing around inside or running round your head at 3am. I remember telling everyone how I sometimes I didn’t feel like “moving on”, that I was still dealing with the fallout and why should I be all sunny skies ahead when I still feel knocked off track personally, professional and financially? It was a revelation to have people nod and listen, rather than asking “Is that still going on?” or “You should get on with your life….”
You can support other people. Being able to be there for others experiencing gambling harms was very profound for me. Knowing what they are going through, being a listening ear, sharing insights (if I had any)…it was good to think beyond myself and be there for other people
You realise just how MASSIVE the gambling problem is – and it’s only getting bigger, via sports gambling, ever more apps, widespread advertising and an entire generation growing up with a gambling device in their back pocket. This doesn’t make me feel better, but it does put my family’s problem into context
So, is Gam-Anon for you?
Obviously this is a very personal question!
But I would urge you to try out a few meetings – in-person or online – if you are a gambling Affected Other. Even if you are a confirmed atheist or allergic to US-style “sharing”, I encourage you to give it a try.
Whether you have the time or headspace to commit to attending regularly, you can discover other people going through similar challenges and ready to lend their support, no matter where you are in your “journey”.
And you don’t even have to use the word “journey”. 🙂